I Only Wanted a Chalupa

I wanted a chalupa, so I went to the local Taco Bell and waited in line. After a ten minute wait, intermittently punctuated by repeated shouts of, "CAN I HELP THE NEXT PERSON?!", I finally arrived at the front of the line. But wait! My chance to order was further put off by a very humorous exchange between a Taco Bell employee and a digruntled customer. Apparently she was dissatisfied with the appearance and/or taste of her food—it wasn't immediately clear which. In fact, the conversation consisted mostly of the customer pointing at the picture on the menu while the Taco Bell employee emphatically shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. I did catch the words "It doesn't come with little red strips" and "Whatever. This food sucks." This continued for quite some time before the customer stormed off, probably to waste someone else's precious lunch break.

With her departure it seemed that nothing could stand between me and my chalupa. Unfortunately, as I opened my mouth to order, I was promptly greeted by the backs of both cashiers while they did a "quick" (5 minutes! Seriously, how long does it take to empty a register? 30 seconds?) pull. A little perturbed, but undaunted, I continued to wait. I really craved that chalupa.

As the seconds and minutes of my lunch hour slipped away, and just as I had begun to despair of ever realizing the epicurean bliss that is a fresh chalupa, a cashier returned. Finally, face-to-face with opportunity, I received this warm salutation: "CAN I HELP THE NEXT PERSON?!!!". This, at 100 decibels, from less than three feet away. Despite the nervous smile of a junkie about to get a fix, I asked in a calm, and reasonable tone for two chalupas. Her expression changed not a whit as she informed me that they didn't have chalupas. In fact, they couldn't make any flatbread food at all. I wanted to scream. I wanted to bellow. I wanted to ... write an angry letter! Instead I slunk off to the fast food Chinese place next door, where they always greet you with a smile and the food isn't bad, despite being as well-lubricated as the floor of my mechanic's garage.